PTSD

    Fear

    things i've learned in therapy,

    PTSD is a bitch. I’ve been struggling with fear lately and my PTSD stemming from childhood sexual abuse is to blame. I’m so fucking anxious. I can’t shake the fear. It’s robbing me of the life I know I deserve. This fear is crippling, robs me of sleep. I’m paranoid, hallucinating and constantly anxious. I’m afraid that my dead abuser is coming for me. I’ve seen him standing in my bathroom. I’ve felt him crawl into my bed and straddle…

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  • Anxiety Therapy + Medication

    Losing Sleep

    I haven’t had a good night’s rest in months. I lay awake at night, the minutes ticking by, obsessing over outlandish scenarios and things I can’t control. Like cougars attacking my daughter while she…

  • Bipolar

    Manic

    I had a manic episode once. It was so much fun. I spent $3,000 in the span of one week. I bought so many beautiful things for my home. I dragged my kids to…

  • Therapy + Medication

    Switching Things Up

    Just when I thought I’d found the perfect medicinal cocktail to manage my Bipolar, depression and PTSD symptoms, my psychiatric nurse practitioner is switching things up. My prolactin levels are high and the risperidone…

  • Marriage

    Dear Cymbalta

    Dear Cymbalta, Thank you for bringing peace to our home. Thank you for calming the 11 year storm. Thank you for picking up the pieces of my husband’s rage and molding them into a…

  • Bipolar

    My Bipolar Diagnosis

    I was floored when I received my Bipolar diagnosis. It was the last thing I expected. I’d been severely depressed and living with PTSD for years as a result of childhood sexual trauma. But…

  • Depression

    I’m Not Who I Used To Be

    I used to be thin, outgoing, happy. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I never shied away from putting myself out there, never shrinking from the spotlight. I used to be so sure…

  • Depression

    More

    I’ve been struggling lately, unsure of my life’s direction and purpose. Having left the workforce following a suicide attempt four years ago, I’ve been feeling a little lost and like I have nothing of…

  • Childhood Sexual Abuse

    Doctor

    I had no idea, at the time, that what he was doing was incredibly inappropriate. I just knew that it made no sense.  I was five or six years old. He was a teenager. We…

  • Depression

    Grateful

    Some days I just need to stop and take stock of the little things that make my heart happy. To remind myself that it’s not all bad. To be grateful, despite the weight of…